Me and My friend, Tina, made a pack: whoever gets married first will give full disclosure to the other of how it goes, good or bad.
My funny friend, who has a witty sense of humor, got married three months ago. The poor kid lives in the same building with her mother-in-low. Where is the problem? The two houses are on the same floor.
Long gone the days when we used to talk about makeup, the latest fashion, or men. Now we only talk about my friend’s mother-in-law.
I thought my friend is exaggerating, but the lady is insane.
“I would open the door slowly, so she won’t hear me walking out, and she still catches me somehow!” Tina said. “I oiled the door three times; I assure you it makes no sounds, nor squeaks. The lady is the FBI! She hears everything”.
My innocent response would be something like she might just want to check on the new bride, but my friend was never going to let me defend her new rival: “She punches a shower of questions that starts with what have you eaten for breakfast, to did you make sure the house is clean for the guests tonight?”.
Me: “And how do you respond?”
Tina: “First time, I told her that the floor is dirty and dishes reached the living room, followed with a sarcastic laugh as I headed towards the elevator to catch up work. I guess she missed the lough because I had to open the door and show her the clean house, even after swearing three times that it was a joke!”.
I couldn’t hold my laughs at this point.
Tina: “I’m telling you, the lady is a Nazi in disguise! There’s no normal human being that acts that way: she checks under the beds, swipes in three different places in the living room to make sure there’s no dust anywhere, and I caught her once opening drawers in my bedroom. What was she looking for?”
Me: “Thongs?” I cracked.
Tina: “You don’t get to laugh! We need to call Hitler and ask him if he is missing a soldier, then I found him!”
At this point, I tried to sound decent: “It’s a she, dear.”
“NOOOO!” My popcorn bowl was shattered into pieces on the ground at this point, “She’s a he and I can prove it! Women don’t act like that!”
At this point, I had to save my poor popcorns before someone walks into my room and steps them over by mistake.
“Can you move out of the building?” I asked.
My friend Tina started crying at this point: “The condos are bought, not rented.”
“Hahahahahahahahaha” My poor friend. “My poor little thing, you are lost forever! It’s a death sentence.” I had to run to work myself
I have to go for work, serve well & behave!”.
A weak voice came from down the well, I mean the phone: “But Haneen!”.
I have no solution to my friend’s problem. Do you?